Apology Doesn't Stop at Sorry.

I’m the kind of person who could catch a glitch of details from a movie, a word from a dictionary, or a bit of experience and got inspired. This time I discover, well not eureka-kind-of-discovery, let’s say I encountered a recurring pattern about relationship as it pertains to fights and apologies.

I’m a huge fan of Friends series and I dare you to play on any episode, you will pretty much always find arguments, fights, and quarrels although it varies in size and intensity. I can relate with these clash between people. We got into stupid argument with our loved ones over silly things. We banged the door when our parents accused us of something we ‘feel’ we didn’t do. Its just life and we can’t avoid it.

Now, what gets interesting is that how these characters respond to these fights. Obviously when a fight happens, somebody felt wronged, somebody felt they shouldn’t be blamed for all of the mistakes. See, logically, there should be one person ‘actually’ making the mistake. But in a fight, ego is on play. And eventually, if you really want the fight to be over, somebody has got to apologize, right? But now that you want to, you find it hard to find the words to say. This point forward I’ll try to present you the recurring pattern I mentioned above. Not that it’s a perfect formula for an apology. Not that it guarantees (it definitely not if you don’t say it from your heart). But often times, we only get one chance to apologize and you don’t want to screw it up after you screwed up in the first place right?

Watch this conversation. Its how Monica apologize to Chandler. They promised to make something for each other as Valentine’s present. Well, some might not get it, but for couples you do know this stuff matters. Monica forgot to get the present, and don’t mention about making it herself, so she took a bunny-socks made by Phoebe and use it as present instead. Chandler on the other hand got her a mixtape of romantic songs. See if you get what I meant by the title of this post.

 

Monica:

Okay okay, I didn't make it. I'm sorry, I forgot about tonight and that we're supposed to make the presents. (Admit your mistake, how you wronged the other person, how your mistake has made serious repercussion in others feelings)

You're incredible.

You went through all this time and effort to make this mix-tape. (Lift of the blame from the other person, acknowledge it’s yours. Show your appreciation to other person, and his/her effort)

You know, I'll make this up to you.

I am going to cook you anything you want in there (pointing at the kitchen) and I'm going to do anything you want in there (pointing at the bedroom).

(Take the initiative to ask the person if you could make up for your mistake, mean it, and do it)

 

So there they are. Its not rocket science, though it’s not as simple as well. See the pattern? Apology doesn’t stop at the word ‘sorry’.

Also, it takes honesty to say those words; you can’t simply make up beautiful words. Especially if you guys apologizing to a girl. Man, they know when you cooking up s**t.  So, if it ever comes to you, that one single chance to make up for your mistake, don’t miss it, be sincere, let it comes from your heart, say what you mean and mean what you say. Depending on the intensity, a ‘sorry’ might be enough, but for big-scale cases (i personally think all offenses in any size are big scale), apology doesn’t stop at sorry. And when you’re forgiven, remember you still have homework to do.

So, this is life, we deal with relationship everyday. We can’t avoid clashes, but don’t escape when it happens. We fight, we make up. That’s friendship. That’s love.

Smile on, shine on.