Where Are We Going, Babe?

This post is inspired by a friend of mine, Henry Gerson and his note Avoid Crashing. I really really encourage you to hit the page and come back here. This is a continuation of it, sort of like an encore in a concert, still entertaining you, but it tops up the overall satisfaction, the one that conclude your craving as you shouted "we want more, we want more.." (or at least that's what I'm trying to).

---
I learned the hard way to finally appreciate this. Relationships are indeed like driving a car.

The common tragedy is the guy is always behind the steering wheel, taking it where he wanted to lead, not intending to stop, as all males love the speed. Meanwhile, the girl is on the passenger seat, enjoying every view, taking every trip together, and by the time she realize they're going nowhere, no brake is on her side of the car.

So while in panic, what's the most logical thing to do?

She has to pull the emergency hand-brake. That stopped the two of them in shock, didn't know that was coming. The girl had enough of going round and round with no sense of direction, the boy fell in sudden tantrum for being rejected out of nowhere. Then both left off traumatized of ever riding another car.

While my friend above shared about speed. I find it as equally essential is destination. If you don't have any idea where or why you're going, then at one point of your journey, you'll draw back, as you've wasted time, energy, and resources for nothing.

If you're riding one right now. Or about to. Make sure you have the very fundamental question answered. Like anyone going on a trip, ask: Where are we going, babe?. And like everyone, you would like to know if you're going to enjoy the place you're going. And so you discuss, and so you talked, and sometimes you make sacrifices, forgoing one thing for something better.

But the silver lining is you both agreed on it.

And when you know your destination and your purpose, and you're committed to it, whenever you have a detour, you'll both know to stop and redirect yourself. And whatever obstacles on sight, you'll both work your way over, under, and through it. You'll cherish it.

So, anyway, I'm going there, that place under the rainbow. If you are too, then hop in. =p

Smile on, Shine on.
Rubs.

---
p.s: If you like to hear more about this, I've made a related post before on this particular subject. Have a read on Don't Just Do It.

Relationship: Make or Break.

Over the course of February, I've been pondering about people and the chemistry that happen between them, relationship.

Couple days ago, a friend of mine tweeted about Corrinne Bailey Rae's latest album and how it changed so much from her previous one. From the uplifting "Put Your Records On" and heartwarming "Just Like A Star", to the somewhat gloomy "Are You Here?" and "I'd Do It All Again". Well, there's a reason for that. She lost her husband about a year ago due to drugs overdose. Its a sad story to draw on. I hate to point out that fact cause I admire her work so much. But as strong as she is in starting again by keep on writing and producing songs, I believe its an experience we can all take lesson from.

It proved what people say that relationship can either make you or break you.

Musically, as a saxophonist, Jason Rae had such an empowering presence to Corrinne's music. He has performed with Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, and Corrinne Bailey herself. I believe her success in music is much attributed to having a life-partner that is so encouraging and shared the same vision in art. More than that, I can assure you that he was the first one personally that believes in her and her talent, they met in university and got married in 2001, 5 years before Corrinne launched her first successful album that was nominated in Grammy's Album of The Year Award. A wonderful example of how one can add value to the others life.

On the other side of the story, Jason's other circle has dragged him to the distressing end. Let's just stop here. I can't continue this. Lesson's learned.

This two contrasting outcomes from the same two individual has opened my eyes of how volatile a relationship can be. It can either make you or break you.
Or worse, it may (appear) to make you but then break you. So choose wisely.

Smile on, Shine on.
Rubs

Love as an Action

Love. Are we missing its essence? We say love in expressing our deepest affection. We say love as well very conveniently for the sake of ending a sentence, spicing it up, cute-ing it up, rephrasing it to a <3 or xoxo. I’m pretty sure we all mean it when we say it though it gets confusing when we use it in many different times. I love my dogs. I love my iPhone. I love my dad. I looove the new Kate Spade. And so on. But, love ain’t just words.

Try to define love. Go to Webster’s online (www.m-w.com) you’ll find how many definitions for love as ‘noun’, yet very little for love as ‘verb’. Coincidence? See, this is what I have in mind. Could it be that generations behind and ours now has been putting the spotlight to love as a feeling (therefore the ‘noun’)? Seeking instant pleasure from that butterfly-feeling? Could it be that we’ve been finding it hard to explain love more than just simply a feeling? Could it be that we’ve come further away from realizing that (in Gary Chapman words) “love is not merely an emotion that comes over us”? See, if we think of love as a feeling, we shall be frustrated when we can’t always work up that feeling. When we realize that love is primarily an action, we are ready to use the tools we have to love better.

Love is primarily an action.

This is not new. It’s there since the start, but how many of us missed the point. Love the ‘noun’ – the feeling – is the result of love the ‘verb’ – the action. So I took the initiative to take a short-simple survey on how people define love. I tweeted this “tweets, im writing a piece for a blog. simply help by answering this 'in your own words' (not quotes): Love is _________ *thanks =)” And here some of the hand-picked replies. I’m going to the conclusion after.

Love is when a friend got hurt bcause I'm not sensitive,but she chose to send me a letter and much much of ice-cream,rather than mad at me :) (KB, Jakarta)

Love is when dad voluntarily gave a ride to mom to bandung, coz she was craving for bola2 ubi (KB, Jakarta)

Love is when my sister save her money to give me the present that I've been drooling to (KB, Jakarta)

Love is parental guidance :) and love is me and my sis missing each other all the time even tho we live together. (ES, Sydney)

Love is waking up 5 am in the morning to write birthday wishes on the pavement in the rain, just to brighten up her day.

Love is believing in someone even when everyone else thinks u're jz wasting ur time :) (AC, Jakarta)

Love is wen sme1 wna watch a movie he has watchd 2times b4 cuz d most important thing isnt d movie but being wid d girl he loves (PP, Jakarta)

Love is my sister staying up late until 2.am to open the front door for me, knowing my mom wouldn't, and be very mad even if she would (JM, Jakarta)

Love is when some1 wna sleep in the car in front of my house so that d next day we can be together d whole day ;) (PP, Jakarta)

I believe by now, you get the idea I’m trying to put across here. Verb? Action? Notice them? Now see how blunt it can be when we describe love as a feeling, and no, this is not the reflection of the person stating it, but I think this is as far as everyone can go in trying to explain love – the feeling:  

Love is the feeling that give us happiness. I guess. Haha (S, Medan)

Love is a drug, hahaha (M, Melbourne)

(photo courtesy of axioo)

Receiving love is the beautiful result of loving others. Bear in mind that line and that “love is primarily an action” when you’re starting a relationship. And I’m speaking about courtship mainly. Don’t, please don’t get carried away by that butterfly feeling, but know that love takes something more than that. Love takes an effort. Be knowledgeable, so that you don’t have to face the common difficulties in your relationship after the first-couple-months-of-bliss pass away.

And even when you do face them, my heart burdened to share this. When you start losing that ‘happi-as-a-hippo-moments’, when he seems distant, when she lose track in busyness, instead of falling into “This starts to get like a routine” or “I’m sorry I just don’t love you no more” , dwell into actions. Start doing love, instead of craving for that feeling. Learn from the simple tweets above. Receiving love is the beautiful result of loving others. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.

So the good news at the end is … love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

i'd like that (lesson from uncle john)

these are the words of John Mayer from the live performance DVD - Any Given Thursday, i found this interesting, enjoy!

[caption id="attachment_15" align="alignleft" width="210" caption="johnmayer_anygiventhursday"][/caption]

i was thinking about relationship as it pertains to song about relationship. it occured to me, i figured out a key to a relationship and how to make it work.

when u first meet somebody u find out they like you first of all. a friend of a friend of theirs tells you he or she really likes you. and it kills u, force you and sends u on the grounds. then somehow u got her phone number. u call her up and start talkin and at the end you say "well, thats a great phone conversation, can i see ya sometime?" and then they say this, they say  "i’d like that.."

"i’d like that" makes u fall on the floor again, ur heart about to stop. nothing feels better than "i’d like that". so now, ur blood presssure goin, u r six feet off the ground, u can’t sleep because of "i’d like that".

so u’ve been hanging out for a while and u’ve been calling and talkin on the phone all the time and then u drop the bomb or what feels like the bomb. u say, u know what … "i’ve been thinking about you a while". and she just went speechless and then you say "what?"… and she said "i’m sorry i’ve just… i’ve.. just.. i’ve been thinking about you too." BAM! higher than the sky. but now, "i’d like that"..DONE! now you r up to "i’ve been thinking about you.. "

"i’d like that" doesn’t work anymore.

and then a few months past , whatever weeks, whatever makes u feel comfortable you say "i gotta tell you something.." you say this…. " i’m in love with you…" and nothing in the world sounds better than i’m in love with you and maybe she starts crying.

now what doesn’t work? "i’d like that" and "i’ve been thinking about you"

now fast forward u start sayin "i love you a lot", six weeks, six months, now u are like… "i wanna marry u, i wanna impregnant u with my love, damn! words just doenst work anymore..". and then u say this line, u know u’ve used this line before "i just wish they put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love because love just doesn’t describe what i feel."

and so then now he/she start askin "do you love me?" and you start going "of course i love you, i’ll say it twice, i’ll say it three times", and then you cross a really interesting point where all of the sudden comes "i hate you, i hate you". and they are saying "i hate you a lot" and she’s goin "we’re over!!" u say "no we’re not!"

now the words do not work at all, completely meaningless, it doesn’t work anymore,you are throwing punches under water and u know u r done..

you know what the moral of the story is? if there’s any… never ever underestimate the power of "i’d like that" !