Tampopo : Life Lesson From A Bowl of Ramen

Watch.

Student: Sensei, soup first or noodle first?
Master: First, observe the whole bowl. 
Student: Yes, sir.
Master: Appreciate its gestalt. Savor the aromas. Jewels of fat glittering on the surface. Shinachiku roots shining. Seaweed slowly sinking. Spring onions floating. Concentrate on the three pork slices. They play the key role, but stay modestly hidden. First caress the surface with the chopstick tips.
Student: What for? 
Master: To express affection.
Student: I see.
Master: Then poke the pork.
Student: Eat the pork first? 
Master: No. Just touch it. Caress it with the chopstick tips. Gently pick it up and dip it into the soup on the right of the bowl. What's important here is to apologize to the pork by saying "See you soon.". Finally start eating, the noodle first. Oh, at this time, while slurping the noodles, look at the pork. Eye it affectionately.


(Tampopo, 1985, Juzo Itami)

--- 

A short, but probably one of the most memorable scene from my favorite food movie.

It tells something more essential than simply how to savor a bowl of ramen. On one watch, the ramen sensei might appears as a drama king with each step exaggerated into perfection. But I suppose, that's what it takes to remind us that every little thing is beautiful. We just easily overlook it.

I mean, aren't every one of us has a love for food? Or have we forgotten? That is the case when we have a lot of something, we tend to take it for granted.

It happened to me.
As I look at the same view everyday when I was in Sydney, I forgot that it is the same postcard-view that I dreamed of for years before finally arriving there. As we go and hang out with the same people again and again, as we eat everyday, we tend to lose the passion and the love that the ramen master has for ramen even though he has eaten hundreds or probably thousands of ramen bowl before.

It is a call for us to start looking around. Things & people that are close to us. What have we taken for granted? What have we forgotten?

Then, we should start seeing as they are supposed to be seen. Little things that are simply ... beautiful.

---

Fellexandro Ruby
Food Photographer & Conversationalist

Family Business -- Kolaborasi Ayah & Anak

Banyak teman-teman saya yang mempunyai bisnis keluarga mengalami dilema yang sama. Orang tua menyekolahkan anak-anaknya jauh ke negeri seberang atau bahkan sampai negeri acek/ciu-ciu/tsu-tsu/apek Sam (paman sam maksudnya. kentang bgt ye ni jokes. haha. jokes internal tionghoa nih, maap, abis ini dilema banyak bgt di family business mereka) dengan harapan memberikan yang terbaik. Dan memang yang terbaik yang mereka dapat. Namun ketika sang anak dilibatkan dalam operasional bisnis seringkali kepemimpinan orang tua merajalela di mana-mana sampai pada titik dimana sang anak merasa tidak mempunyai peran atau bahkan bertanya "why do you put me here, if nothing i say matters? what's the use of sending me abroad,  years of learning, just to go back to the old-days daddy-management?"

Opini dan sudut pandang yang berbeda memang lazim terjadi, namun kalau otoritas orang tua yang kembali mengatasi segalanya dalam bisnis, apakah ini sehat? Kalau saya melihatnya sih tidak. Dari anak sendiri tidak boleh berharap dalam waktu cepat dia bisa langsung meroket dan mengambil kendali penuh. Harus ada titik temu diantaranya. Berikut adalah petikan wawancara dari Majalah SWA edisi Juni dengan founder Jawa Pos yang akhirnya sukses me-regenerasi kepemimpinan & manajemen dan akhirnya mengepakkan sayap bisnisnya lebih lebar lagi. Parents & the successors should read this. This is wisdom from the pro who has been there and done that.

Sekarang, posisi saya Chairman Group Jawa Pos. Benang merah yang harus dipahami oleh seluruh pemimpin di Grup Jawa Pos adalah percaya bahwa di setiap zaman itu punya generasinya tersendiri, dan setiap generasi itu punya zamannya tersendiri. Nah, agar bisa lintas generasi alias bisa diterima di setiap generasi, pahamilah hal tersebut lebih dulu dengan sikap mau menerima, berpikiran terbuka, dan fleksibel. Kalau tidak paham akan hal tersebut, jangan coba-coba bisa menjadi pemimpin. Jadi, pahamilah kalau setiap zaman itu pasti ada bedanya dan pelakunya. Jangan pernah ngotot untuk bisa terus memimpin di zaman yang sudah bukan zamannya lagi. Sesungguhnya, itu sama saja dengan omong kosong. Saya saja menyadari kalau sudah bukan zaman saya lagi memimpin dengan tipikal dan cara saya di zaman sekarang. Sudah saatnya alih generasi. --  Dahlan Iskan

Itu wisdom  dari sang ayah yang anaknya sendiri harus merangkak dari reporter terbawah di Jawa Pos, dan mengikuti semua jenjang selama bertahun-tahun dan melewati performance test sampai akhirnya menjadi direktur. Nah, berikut adalah perspektif lain dari posisi anak, dialah Jefri Darmadi yang sekarang dipercayakan ayahnya untuk memimpin PT. Jakarta Setiabudi Internasional (pemilik dan pengelola Setiabudi One, Hotel Hyatt, Formule One, dan sejumlah properti lainnya).

Prinsipnya, saya bukanlah ayah saya. Saya adalah anak ayah saya. Sehingga, nilai-nilai yang ia ajarkan bagi saya sifatnya timeless. Saya bisa pakai itu dalam banyak hal. Perbedaannya adalah waktu dan zaman. Apa yang telah ayah berikan kepada saya dan apa yang telah dia contohkan pada saya, akan saya lakukan dengan cara saya sendiri. Zaman dan tantangan yang kami hadapi berbeda. Jadi yang terpenting bagaimana saya harus berbuat agar bisa konsisten dengan garis besar yang telah ayah ajukan. -- Jefri Darmadi

Mungkin ini bisa menjadi trigger untuk teman-teman atau parents yang mempunyai family business untuk berpikir lebih jauh, mengubah perspektif, membicarakan titik temu semua lebih untuk jangka panjang bisnis keluarga anda sendiri. Lebih lengkapnya sih tetap beli saja majalah SWA dua kopi, satu untuk anda, satu untuk ayah anda lalu diskusikan. Kalau ayah anda sangat otoriter yah tinggalkan saja majalah di meja kerjanya atau di toilet di sebelah jamban favoritnya, atau di ruang tamu tepat di halaman yang anda mau ia baca. Dan berdoa semoga dia tergerak. Hehe.

Tersenyumlah, Bersinarlah.
Rubs

Ketika Saya Kesal & Tuhan Menoyor Saya

Selamat Pagi! (atau selamat siang untuk sebagian orang yang sudah terbangun sejak jam 5 pagi)

Pagi tadi saat saya memundurkan mobil saya dari garasi rumah, tepat saat posisinya menyilang di tengah-tengah jalan kakak saya berteriak sebuah teriakan yang merenyuhkan hati. Katanya: "Rub, ban belakangnya tuh bocor!." (renyuh pertama). Seakan-akan belum cukup hati saya diombang-ambing di pagi yang seharusnya ceria dia melanjutkan: "Bocornya PARAH BANGET tuh!". Seakan-akan kata 'parah' belum cukup negatif sampai harus ditambahkan kata 'banget'. (renyuh kedua).

Dengan wajah bercaci-caci, mulut menggampar pintu, tangan menyumpah serapah. Anda pasti bertanya "Ya ampun Rubyy, lebay banget cuma ganti ban aja pake erosi". TUNGGU! Sebelum anda judge coba berhenti dulu. This is my defense, semua dimulai di hari Minggu kemarin yang diakhiri dengan kanvas rem yang aus dan pastinya harus saya ganti. TIDAAAAAAAAKK (suara raungan dompet yang sudah tipis dan terpaksa harus memakai credit card). Akhirnya yah sebagai model lelaki yang dewasa, saya bertanggung-jawab atas semua konsekuensi tindakan saya.

Senin pagi, saya yang seharusnya datang tepat waktu ke kantor (8.30 -red) harus terlambat karena mengantar sang mobil ke bengkel terdekat dan ternyata mobil harus ditinggal sampai sore. Dan saya pun harus memanggil taksi. Dan saya harus menunggu 20 menit untuk taksi itu. Dan setelah di taksi ternyata tol harus macet karena ada kecelakan di kilometer sekian-sekian. Dan dan dan dan (saya tahu saya tidak seharusnya menggunakan dan untuk awal kalimat, tapi yah, WTF) dan dan dan harus membayar ekstra untuk taksi. Dan baru tahu naik taksi dari Pluit ke Kemayoran itu 80 ribu, yaiks isi bensin bisa tahan tiga harii keliling kota. Dan ketika pulang sorenya dan menjemput si mobil terlihatlah tagihan yang bisa mendapatkan saya sebuah HP Samsung Corby (yang bergambar duo Dian Sastro dan Soe Hok Gie itu loh) plus sebuah HP Esia mini (yang garansi setahun tapi biasanya 6 bulan sudah error tapi gengsi dan malas ganti).

Selasa, terjadi kembali hal yang kurang-lebih-kurang sama. Keluar dari rumah sungguh tepat pada waktu namun kembali sampai di kantor terlambat. YES! Karena apa? Another traffic jam karena truk mogok.

Dan Rabu which is today, that thing above happened. Oh iya saya belum bilang kalau saya harus ganti ban dll, dengan keadaan yang sedang sakit pinggang a.k.a HNP. ><

So, dalam perjalanan ke kantor saya bertanya pada Tuhan: "Kenapa sih gue ga bisa ye ngantor on-time. Kenapa berapa hari ini selalu ada aja yang reseh. Maunya Lo apa sih?" (Yes, g and Tuhan g emang sohib, that's how close we are, so don't judge this conversation)

Jawab Dia dengan simple: "The very fact that you're cranky over these small things is the very reason and the very thing that I want you to grow."

Saya: *jlebbbbbb!* *stokedshockedstabbedcramped*

Dan disanapun saya diingatkan (lagi), Tuhan gak tertarik mengubah keadaan, Dia lebih pengen mengubah gua. Hal-hal seperti ban bocor, macet, atau contoh-contoh lain seperti mobil mogok, hujan besar, macet karena tabrakan, dan sejuta hal kecil yang mengganggu lainnya pasti bakal datang dan akan datang di waktu yang tidak terduga. Tujuannya satu: untuk membuat kita tersenyum. Kenapa tersenyum? Yes, tersenyum karena tahu masih ada Dia yang mengijinkan hal itu terjadi untuk menumbuhkan kita. Dan tersenyum karena hal hal seperti itu sudah tidak punya kendali lagi terhadap mood kita. Semoga anda tersenyum setelah membaca tulisan singkat ini. (SINGKAT!??? Muke gileee lo singkat <--- my alter ego speaking) Atau paling tidak tersenyum ketika suatu hari hal-hal yg rese mendatangi anda dan anda pun teringat tulisan ini.

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? ~Sydney J. Harris

Smile on, Shine on!
Rubs
(follow me on twitter @captainruby, I promise I won't be cranky =p)

Merci Beaucoup

Six months ago when I started I didn't expect this blog to be much other than a media to stream my thoughts. Then it grows as a place to share many things from daily bits of wisdom,  to releasing my creative works of poetries and photoworks. The point that this blog is now show that everything started out with a small seed, and if we remain faithful, we water them daily, treat it proper and eventually it will grow and bloom (though its far from being a tree or producing tons of fruits, but I've seen result).

I've always been taught to start with what I have, and six months ago, the passion to blog was what I have. And today its great to know it has reached more than 2000 pageviews, and been viewed as far as the States, Australia, Canada, even France. I hope that what I do can and will continue to inspire you in a way. 

Taking that into mind. All the viewers, you guys are the ones who fuels this passion. And for that I'm thanking you. (why does this feels like a farewell post? nvm). And and you could start leaving comments at the end of every blogpost (that little orange word that says 'comment', click on that) or click on the simple LIKE button, that would double my joy and of course that enables me to hear from you, your thoughts, what kind of post that you enjoy or challenge me, I'm open for that.  From me, there'll be more improvements in this blog, there'll be more pretty photoworks (i can guarantee you this), OH! I'm gonna start video-blogging (hope you like the idea of this), and maybe I'll host a competition one day, who knows! And please pray for me for the many projects I have in list now, one of them is having an official pro photography services.

If you're up for my other short musings, reach http://lyricalrelease.tumblr.com or for completely dedicated blog for photos click on http://rubyboy.tumblr.com

So yeas! Once again, Merci Beaucoup.

Smile on, Shine on!
Rubs

Plus in a Minus (PLUM)

I once came across a beautiful illustration about a king in a galaxy far-far away. This king had a terrible nightmare about him losing all his teeth. And so he went out looking for advisers who can help him interpret his dream. Then came the first adviser, he said to the king: "Your highness, your dream simply means that you are going to lose the people around you, your family will die and fall one by one. Though you are rich, you'll be left alone." Hearing this the king went ferociously mad, and directly requested to chop off this guy's head and ask for better advisers.

Then came the second one, and he said to the king: "Your majesty, your dream is a good news for you, you will stay healthy to enjoy all your wealth and prosperity, and you will live the longest life among the people around you." And what an excellent interpretation thinks the king, and he crowned the second advisers with gold and all the unthinkable riches a man can wish for. Does the second one telling the same truth as the first one? Yes! It's the way he present it that makes the different. He chose to focus on the positive side of the delivery and that reward him beautifully. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things ... put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians).

So, what do you choose to think? Do you see Plus in a Minus or the other way around? The decision is yours. =)

Inspired by these lovely friends of mine in Sydney who coined the phrase Plus in a Minus (PLUM). Rather than listening to the constant stream of negativity from newspaper, tv, etc (hmm..gonna write something about this), I chose to spread positivity, and their Facebook site is one of good influence, check them out here: PLUM or you can follow them on Twitter @I_Love_Plum. Above is their campaign logo. Way to go peeps! Astound the world!

Smile on, Shine on.
Rubs

Wisdom (Andrew Zuckerman)

(I originally posted this in December 2008 through Facebook notes. Still relevantly inspiring until now)

After a series of up and down(s), hours of working, and fighting the silly Sydney weather, I awarded myself with a book. Yes, a book, that's how I indulge myself, a book, a bar of 600 gram cadbury milk chocolate (or a pack of wedges oven-cooked in exactly 14 minutes at 230 degrees, which ever my stomach calls for), and a nice cuddly bean bag. So, long story short, I got the latest and the hippest book by Andrew Zuckerman.

The idea is that the best thing a generation can give to the next generation is wisdom. So Mr.Zuckerman here, take the initiatives to go around the world meeting some the most prominent over-65-years-old, took photos, have a chat around the topic of wisdom, environment, conflict resolution, and love. Then the book is the result for us (as the next generation) to enjoy and learn from it. I love the idea of it, so yeah, I bought it (at a bargain price, 40% of the market price, don't ask how) and I'd like to share some of the wisdoms. See which one speaks to you the most. For me, Jacques Pepin's and Frank Gehry's. But overall, they are all great reminders and they're not just quotes. Why? Cause they've lived it out through their 60 years of life. They've fought the fight. And they're sharing the essence with us the younger generation. And we should listen. Why? Check Desmond Tutu's quote and you'll get it =p.

-------------------------- ---------------

Anyday that you dont do anything is a totally loss day
Anyday that you do just a little something, all those little something add up
Chuck Close

Most of us give up too early,
Failure is absolute essential in life
If we never fail, how can we possibly succeed
Cause we can only extend ourself to the limit of what we know
Failure teaches us what we dont know
Of course you gonna fall down,
but its your way, and when you reach the end, you'll get something
Bryce Courtenay

I never ever done a play in 50 years that has come easy to me,
I'd like to push myself on the fear level,
there is something about the fear that's absolutely wonderful
Judi Dench

Acting has that little futality in it,
you could fail horribly, there's a lil death
It it doesnt scare you then dont do it, cause you wont do any good
and embracing that uncertainty is actually the creative process
That's what give you the juice to go
Nick Nolte

Your best work is the expression of yourself
you may not be the greatest at it
but when you do it, you're the only expert in it
Frank Gehry

I hate to say this, some young people look for quick fit
If you gonna be a write its like you gonna be like being an opera singer
An opera singer is born with a special vocal chord
You can have so many singing lessons for the rest of your life and you'll never be a opera singer
You'll never be a writer if you are not born with certain qualities
Nadine Gordimer

You can't get to wonderful without passing 'alright'
There are times when i would like to be somebody else, i just don't have any other options
you know, the only choice we really have is to be us,
some of the most frustrating lives are people who can't come to grip with who they are
Bill Withers

There's no way that we can escape ourselves,
If i give you a recipe and i give another five people the same recipe
i will have five different dishes to taste with
If i give five people the same music score,
i'm gonna hear five different sounds
Jacques Pepin

My work is an outgrow of who I am, rather than the reason of who i am.
Alan Arkin

The moment we were gifted with words we simultaneoulsy receive imagination
we can ask a single sentence which is called 'what if'. That's what it's all about.
Bryce Courtenay

Most times we human beings can be quite silly
getting to make mistakes me made from previous generation
We learn from history that we don't learn from history
Desmond Tutu

I think we got to learn to love something deeply
I think its love, sounds sentimental as hell, but i think it is.
Andrew Wyeth

Life is not perfect, it never will be
you just have to make the very best of it,
you have to open your heart to what the world can show you
sometimes its terrifying and sometimes its incredibly beautiful
and I'll take both, Thanks
Graham Nash

-------------------------- -------------------------

I hope it inspires you as it did to me. There are lots of wisdom that I can't possibly contain in one note (well, it's mostly because I don't want to have to deal with intellectual property law), so yeah, I suggest you get your own copy. It's worth it (totally, if you could get 40% off as well =p)

Smile on, Shine on!
Ruby

Relationship: Make or Break.

Over the course of February, I've been pondering about people and the chemistry that happen between them, relationship.

Couple days ago, a friend of mine tweeted about Corrinne Bailey Rae's latest album and how it changed so much from her previous one. From the uplifting "Put Your Records On" and heartwarming "Just Like A Star", to the somewhat gloomy "Are You Here?" and "I'd Do It All Again". Well, there's a reason for that. She lost her husband about a year ago due to drugs overdose. Its a sad story to draw on. I hate to point out that fact cause I admire her work so much. But as strong as she is in starting again by keep on writing and producing songs, I believe its an experience we can all take lesson from.

It proved what people say that relationship can either make you or break you.

Musically, as a saxophonist, Jason Rae had such an empowering presence to Corrinne's music. He has performed with Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, and Corrinne Bailey herself. I believe her success in music is much attributed to having a life-partner that is so encouraging and shared the same vision in art. More than that, I can assure you that he was the first one personally that believes in her and her talent, they met in university and got married in 2001, 5 years before Corrinne launched her first successful album that was nominated in Grammy's Album of The Year Award. A wonderful example of how one can add value to the others life.

On the other side of the story, Jason's other circle has dragged him to the distressing end. Let's just stop here. I can't continue this. Lesson's learned.

This two contrasting outcomes from the same two individual has opened my eyes of how volatile a relationship can be. It can either make you or break you.
Or worse, it may (appear) to make you but then break you. So choose wisely.

Smile on, Shine on.
Rubs

Battles & War

It came to me through Kings Of Convenience's song "Winning a Battle, Losing The War", you can see life in the viewpoint of battles and war. Not the content of the song that inspire me though, just plainly the title.

Sun Tzu, said to be one of the greatest strategist wrote the book Art of War. And yeah, you don't need to read the whole thousand-pages thick book, I'll just spill the essence here. One of the greatest quote I learn from him is:

If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.

Or in a more condensed version:

If you know both yourself and your enemy, you can come out of hundreds of battles without danger.

And I begin to think. Contemplate. Isn't it what happen in our life? Day in day out we face battles.

Battles in all kind of size. Battle of waking up early in the morning. Battle of patience on a fookin traffic (yeas i use the f-word, i'm not trying to be fookin holy or something. see i just use it again. haha). Battle of meeting deadlines, whatever deadlines it is. Project deadlines? Thesis deadlines? Credit card deadlines? Battle of letting go? Et cetera.

And the answer is lying there all along: Know yourself, know your enemy!

Knowing yourself, your strength, your talents, also your weaknesses is vital to surviving these battles. In your job, learn the demands of your customers. Expand your knowledge. Know your enemies is as vital as knowing yourself. Competition? It will always be there. So learn where you stand over others. Have you been a procrastinator? Know why you did that in the first place, is it because you're stuck taking passion-less major in university surrounded by passion-less people? The thing is take action! It's not always that hard to fight over battle, some time is just a matter of willing or not. And I believe we are born to be the head, we are here to overcome battles! So rise up! I've faced it myself, and its proven, once you take action, one good thing will lead to another.

Now I'm speaking more specifically to battles over whatever habits that you've been fighting for years. Get to know yourself, and your enemy. The devil itself and how it works. How it condemns. How it misled. How it create contradiction in your mind. And once you master yourself and your enemy, be reminded that each of us has one God that's greater that all our battles combined. Instead of falling to devil's deception over and over again, take charge when the battle arrive!

Lastly, but not least, be aware that winning one battle surely take you one step closer to winning the war, however losing one battle doesn't necessarily means losing your chance to win the war.

KEEP FIGHTING! SMILE ON, SHINE ON PEOPLE!

-- originally written June 2008

(DON'T) JUST DO IT!

MAY2006
75KG. Overweight alarm! Muffin belly. Double chin. Hit the gym. Lost total of 7-8 KG after 3 months. More exercises since then.

OCTOBER2009
MRI Result: diagnosed with a pinched nerve on the fifth lumbar. In short = terrible backpain.

LESSONSLEARNED
Don't just do it. You might get the results like I did. I did lost the weight I wanted, but who knows that apparently some of my heavylifting activities (I might have lifted more weight than I supposed to or simply used a wrong lifting stance) has now cost me my backbone and future physical fitness. The fact is I didn't have trainer, I simply asked a friend who's been practicing for a while to assist me. I'm glad with the fact that I overcame that overweight phase, but then again, I might have lost the same weight by doing any other less-dangerous sports. Now, after three years the backpain is what I got. As for now, I still can't do much strenuous work. I'm not allowed to carry heavy stuff (not even my own laptop), I've been sleeping on bed topped with flat-wood for weeks (yeap I feel Japanese already and their tatami). I can’t sit longer than one hour. I have to walk twice slower than I used to. And don’t mention the hurtful acupuncture session.

If you ever going to push yourself into leaving your comfort zone and pursue a goal, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s for your good, don’t just simply do it. But do it right. It is much more important to step back a while and learn and know how to do it right rather than rushing it and having the regrettable after-effect some time after.

APPLIES TO

Many things. The closest that come to my mind is starting a relationship. You know that rush-of-blood-to-the-heart you have when you’re falling in love. As a normal dude you’ll find a hard time repressing those feelings and to be aggressive is who we are. And you rushed into that commitment while maybe its not your season yet. As one of my friend quoted “Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely”. And by ready it means know how to treat your girl right, know your partner well (at least you gotta know how she’ll be when she’s angry otherwise the shock and the negativitywill tremendously doubled when you’re already in a relationship), know your borders, know if you can manage the time, know if you’re financially okay (no girls will pay for your dinner dude), and such and such. Have you ever consider those stuff before starting a relationship? I did to the smallest details and yet I still screw up here and there. What if I just jump and do it? Worse? Better? Well, you can figure out the mathematics.

I can think of another hundreds application of this in real life, but I promised to make this short enough to trigger your thinking and let your mind ponder, digest, and relate it to your own life.

Don’t just do it. Do it right! Its not only about making a start, but also how well you finish.

Smile on, shine on!

 

I'm Happy If You're Happy

Found this link from Otjep post on Facebook. Fell in love with the short-movie and the beautiful message it brings.
Smile on, shine on!

http://www.youtube.com/v/Cbk980jV7Ao&hl=en&fs=1

Appreciate (The Wisdom Of No)

Have you ever been in any of this situations:

CASE-1
You applied for a job. This is one of your top-five most wanted job. After posting your application, you waited those long hopeful hours. You stared at your cellphone day and night until it finally rings! You just won an interview. And you gave your best, you were one of the first arrived, you conquered all the questions tactfully. You gave everything only to find that three weeks after the interview, not a single person inform you (not even a phone call or text message) whether you are accepted or no.

CASE-2
Wednesday, noon, lunchtime. You are munching your chicken wings dipped in terasi-sambal-sauce. *ringring A customer calls you. You say to
your colleague "Ah, let them wait, its the only time of the day I can relax". But the phone keep ringing. And as a professional salesperson your heart couldn't resist anymore but to answer, hoping there'll be a sales lead. So you spend the next 15 min explaining your products, forgoing your decent meal. And another 20 min to write a proposal complete with price quotation and terms of payment. All is done only to find that your proposal e-mail is never replied with anything.

---

Been in any situation with more or less similarity? Maybe the examples are a bit business-related. Let's try something simple. You asked 5 of your friends if they can make it for a quick dinner today. You called up early in the morning. Everyone's answered simply "hmm, i'm quite free, but im not too sure, i'd let you know if I can make it or not". Fast forward to 6 o'clock. Nobody replied. And you're already in the diner. As expected, nobody show up either. Gantung. Hanging on a string. It just bothered me. And I reject to blame this on "well it is the eastern-culture". NO! If something contains no positive value, should we continue it as a culture? And NO it is not culture. It's just us. And you can improve if you decide to.

The culture of late stuck with me for some time before, but it all changes when i start coming to my local church, JPCC who always start on time. When they say 12pm. Then the door is closed 11.45. After getting an uncomfortable seat for two or three times, I learned the hard lesson. Thankful for that though. We say its Indo-culture, I refuse that! Shame if we did nothing and accept it as it is. Coming on time means you appreciate people's time.

The same thing applies with the above example. Why let people uninformed and confused? Are we afraid of saying "no" to ineligible applications? Are we afraid of hurting others feeling when we reject a proposal? That is no excuse. I've been applying the opposite thing for quite some time. Whatever it is, whether I accept a patner's proposal or not, I inform them. Letting them know what our decision is -- yes or no -- that's appreciation to their effort. Imagine you are the company in case #1 would the candidate promote to a friend the products of the company (your company) that didn't inform anything to them? Hey, your company might also lose a potential candidate 5 years after when you make another opening. Would you care to answer another phone call from a neglectful partner? Or from another point-of-view, would anyone care to accept your phone call if you are that neglectful partner?

Sometimes even though its a "no", its much more appreciated if we let people know, rather than left them hanging on a string. You gain the person's respect and you let them know you appreciate them as well. It also represent your value -- professionalism, something that represented as your track record. A "no" can be a wise move to make. Especially in a long-term perspective.

Love as an Action

Love. Are we missing its essence? We say love in expressing our deepest affection. We say love as well very conveniently for the sake of ending a sentence, spicing it up, cute-ing it up, rephrasing it to a <3 or xoxo. I’m pretty sure we all mean it when we say it though it gets confusing when we use it in many different times. I love my dogs. I love my iPhone. I love my dad. I looove the new Kate Spade. And so on. But, love ain’t just words.

Try to define love. Go to Webster’s online (www.m-w.com) you’ll find how many definitions for love as ‘noun’, yet very little for love as ‘verb’. Coincidence? See, this is what I have in mind. Could it be that generations behind and ours now has been putting the spotlight to love as a feeling (therefore the ‘noun’)? Seeking instant pleasure from that butterfly-feeling? Could it be that we’ve been finding it hard to explain love more than just simply a feeling? Could it be that we’ve come further away from realizing that (in Gary Chapman words) “love is not merely an emotion that comes over us”? See, if we think of love as a feeling, we shall be frustrated when we can’t always work up that feeling. When we realize that love is primarily an action, we are ready to use the tools we have to love better.

Love is primarily an action.

This is not new. It’s there since the start, but how many of us missed the point. Love the ‘noun’ – the feeling – is the result of love the ‘verb’ – the action. So I took the initiative to take a short-simple survey on how people define love. I tweeted this “tweets, im writing a piece for a blog. simply help by answering this 'in your own words' (not quotes): Love is _________ *thanks =)” And here some of the hand-picked replies. I’m going to the conclusion after.

Love is when a friend got hurt bcause I'm not sensitive,but she chose to send me a letter and much much of ice-cream,rather than mad at me :) (KB, Jakarta)

Love is when dad voluntarily gave a ride to mom to bandung, coz she was craving for bola2 ubi (KB, Jakarta)

Love is when my sister save her money to give me the present that I've been drooling to (KB, Jakarta)

Love is parental guidance :) and love is me and my sis missing each other all the time even tho we live together. (ES, Sydney)

Love is waking up 5 am in the morning to write birthday wishes on the pavement in the rain, just to brighten up her day.

Love is believing in someone even when everyone else thinks u're jz wasting ur time :) (AC, Jakarta)

Love is wen sme1 wna watch a movie he has watchd 2times b4 cuz d most important thing isnt d movie but being wid d girl he loves (PP, Jakarta)

Love is my sister staying up late until 2.am to open the front door for me, knowing my mom wouldn't, and be very mad even if she would (JM, Jakarta)

Love is when some1 wna sleep in the car in front of my house so that d next day we can be together d whole day ;) (PP, Jakarta)

I believe by now, you get the idea I’m trying to put across here. Verb? Action? Notice them? Now see how blunt it can be when we describe love as a feeling, and no, this is not the reflection of the person stating it, but I think this is as far as everyone can go in trying to explain love – the feeling:  

Love is the feeling that give us happiness. I guess. Haha (S, Medan)

Love is a drug, hahaha (M, Melbourne)

(photo courtesy of axioo)

Receiving love is the beautiful result of loving others. Bear in mind that line and that “love is primarily an action” when you’re starting a relationship. And I’m speaking about courtship mainly. Don’t, please don’t get carried away by that butterfly feeling, but know that love takes something more than that. Love takes an effort. Be knowledgeable, so that you don’t have to face the common difficulties in your relationship after the first-couple-months-of-bliss pass away.

And even when you do face them, my heart burdened to share this. When you start losing that ‘happi-as-a-hippo-moments’, when he seems distant, when she lose track in busyness, instead of falling into “This starts to get like a routine” or “I’m sorry I just don’t love you no more” , dwell into actions. Start doing love, instead of craving for that feeling. Learn from the simple tweets above. Receiving love is the beautiful result of loving others. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.

So the good news at the end is … love, the feeling, can be recaptured.